[opening theme music]
Will somebody please cue that bird?
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Oh yeah!
♪ Who do you call When you want some pepperoni?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
Right on!
♪ They're sniffing out crime and You know that ain't baloney♪
♪ There's Speedy Cerviche He's the leader of the bunch♪
♪ A heck of a fighter Makes a heck of a lunch♪
♪ And little Polly Esther Who's never afraid♪
♪ Of going into battle When the bad guys invade♪
♪ Here's Guido Anchovy A wild romantic rover♪
♪ This cat gets knocked down With a love hangover♪
♪ Here come the Pizza Cats♪
They're so bad!
♪ They've got more fur Than any turtle ever had♪
♪ They're stronger Than old cheese♪
♪ Stronger than old cheese♪
♪ They're stronger than dirt♪
♪ Stronger than dirt♪
♪ If you step on their tails♪
Not on my tail!
♪ Then you're gonna get hurt♪
Don't hurt me!
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
They're fighting crime...
♪ All over town!♪ [explosion]
Three, two, one!
♪ Pizza Cats are on the run♪
♪ The Big Cheese is the villain Who's lower than low♪
♪ It's a rotten shame He lives in Little Tokyo♪
♪ We've got our nasty Bad Bird And some nasty Ninja Crows♪
♪ As soon as someone Finds the script♪
♪ We might begin the show♪
♪ Sit right back Kick up your feet♪
♪ And turn the sound up high♪
♪ And if you want The full effect♪
♪ Go eat a pizza pie!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪ [narrator laughing]
[splash]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪ [narrator laughing]
[slow oriental music]
[narrator] There comes a time
in the life of even the rattiest, nastiest, no-good
nick when he feels ashamed of himself.
That's why the Big Cheese has come here
on bended knee to atone for the bad things he's done.
Lying, cheating, swindling, larceny.
Lying, cheating, endangering the lives of women and children.
Making rude noises... Did I mention lying and cheating?
I know it's a lot to ask, big fella
but try to forgive him for his shady past.
There. Am I in the clear now? [breathes deeply]
[grunts]
[narrator] Remember, he was on bended knee
while his list of sins was read
and it was a pretty long list.
[groaning] There's no feeling in my legs.
Glory, hallelujah!
Rise, you poor sinner, and walk again! Walk!
[screaming]
Stop poking! [groans]
Oh?
Say, that [indistinct] would make a swell coat rack
in my front parlor, maybe I could steal it--
[impact] [grunt]
Don't paw the icon!
I'll paw your icons, you goggle-eyed guru!
Don't forget who pays your salary.
Sorry, it's just that this one's precious.
You see, it depicts the old legend
of the Fabulous Flute and the forest pixies.
You must remember that old story.
Uhh, it's a little fuzzy...
Well, it's said that these forest pixies
whenever they hear the Fabulous Flute
scurry out of the woods with huge chests of golden treasure.
Golden treasure, I like that idea.
That flute might still be around here somewhere.
[insects buzzing]
Look!
Pixies. Jerry, did you see them?
[chuckles]
[narrator] Meanwhile, it's the end of a busy day
at the Pizza Cats' pizza parlor.
[groans]
Let's never do that again, OK?
Yeah. No more two-for-one days.
At least we got rid of
all that peanut butter and anchovies spread.
[grunts]
I think it's time for a little cat-nap.
[flashes] [crash]
Wha--
What do you think you're doing?
Sorry, Speedy. I didn't see you there.
Oh, is that so? Well, can you see this?
[scuffling sounds]
[flute music] Huh?
[flute music continues]
Hang on.
Did I miss something?
Since when has Polly started playing the flute?
Yeah... Wait a minute.
[wondrous sound]
Sure. Isn't she the one who always plays the flute
right before we go into a fight?
Or is that my imagination?
[narrator] She's only been doing it for 30 episodes!
[together] That's right!
Sure, we knew that. [chuckle]
That music's so pretty.
Think you could teach me how to play it?
Uhh, you don't want to learn on this sloppy old thing.
-It's a piece of junk. -I can handle it.
[gasps]
But you'll just wreck it. I mean, you'll just hate it.
How about baton twirling?
There is an exciting hobby. You'll love that.
[together] Perfect.
As if she wasn't dangerous enough.
[telephone rings]
There goes the phone again.
Come on, boys. Looks like another delivery.
[telephone ringing] [sighs]
[narrator] At that very moment across town...
Hear ye, hear ye, ladies and gentlemen.
Join the Flute-of-the-Month club.
Today only, as a special introductory gimmick
we're offering a free flute exchange.
That's right. Give us your tired, your poor
your out-of-tune old flutes
and we'll give you a brand-new one in return.
Come on, trade in those crummy old flutes.
What did he say?
Something about scummy old boobs.
I can't believe I let the Big Cheese talk me into this.
If this Fabulous Flute really does exist
who'd be stupid enough to trade it for another?
OK. One time only, this is your last chance.
Hurry, hurry, step right up and trade old flutes for new ones.
-No obligation. -Yoo-hoo!
-Huh? -Would you really give me
a new flute for this nasty old thing?
That's just the sort of thing we're looking for, Ma'am.
There you go. Blow it in good health.
Bring out your old flutes
no matter how sloppy or beat-up.
We're giving you a bright shiny new one.
Hey, I've got one.
Hey, mister!
[all speaking at once]
Bring 'em all, Ma'am. Bring 'em on down.
Well, those suckers fell for it. Let's go.
Hurry! Trade in those nasty old flutes
for brand-new ones. A once in a lifetime offer.
Polly's got an old flute. I wonder if she'd want a new one.
Yeah!
One bird's egg special.
Give me bird's egg, will you, you landlubber?
I've asked.
What do I look like? A heathen cannibal?
I ordered the seafood.
Shiver my timbers. I'm sorry.
Oh, Francine!
You wanted the bird's egg and you got the seafood?
Uh-oh! [giggles]
Polly! Where are you?
Yoohoo! Polly!
Does she expect this place to run by itself?
Huh?
Hmm.
I bet if she had a new flute
she wouldn't leave it lying around.
I'll surprise her by trading this one in.
Oh boy!
Your extra-salty seafood will be sailing right out.
Sorry, matey.
Hey! Wait up, buddy!
Whoa! Wait for me!
Hey, am I still in time to get in on that offer?
Can I trade this beat-up old flute for a new one?
Sure, no problem.
-Thanks. -No, thank you.
[narrator] That night
at the Big Cheese's well-appointed rat-hole...
Excellent. Just look at them all.
Well done, you two. I'm proud of you both.
And I'm so pleased, I'll let you kiss my feet.
Thanks, I'll take a rain check.
Chief, listen.
I know that you are a romantic at heart and all that
but this very tale about a magic flute
-you don't believe it-- -Of course I do!
And what's wrong with being a romantic at heart anyway?
Nothing, nothing at all. I'm one, too.
Look, I brought you Valentines. [slap]
That's not till next month, you idiot.
I know, but I couldn't wait, Chief.
I worship the ground you walk on.
Jerry, does this mean what I think it means?
Sweet mystery.
Oh, you're just trying to get me side-tracked.
There will be plenty of time for that mushy stuff
once the forest pixies have given me their treasure.
Now we've got to start sorting through that pile
to find the flute.
Let's see, now.
[discordant flute sounds] [groans]
[grunts] [discordant flute sounds]
[groans]
[discordant flute sounds] [others groan]
Chief, you shouldn't try them all yourself.
Why don't you get a bunch of Ninja Crows
to take the flutes out into the forest
where the pixies live, and play them there?
That way, you'll kill two birds with one stone
if you'll pardon the expression
and save us all a lot of grief.
All right, round up the Ninja Crows
and send them to the forest.
You got it.
[discordant flute music]
Oh!
Why did I ever tell him that story about the flute?
Me and my big mouth.
[flute music continues]
You... You what?
Wait a second. It's a joke, right?
You would not, serious you didn't really--
But Polly, you said yourself
your old one was a piece of junk.
I thought I'd surprise you by getting
a clean and shiny new one, OK?
So what's the matter with that?
What's the matter with that? he asks.
[flute music]
Sounds like a chipmunk with asthma.
Why didn't you just give me a kazoo while you were at it?
[soft impact] [grunts]
Dummy! [impact]
Pickle-head! [impact]
I won't forgive you as long as I live.
You don't mean that.
[crash]
I do sympathize with Polly.
But this damage is coming out of her salary.
She must be furious. She called me a pickle-head.
[narrator] Several nights later.
Thank you so much for coming in. Always a pleasure.
[sliding door]
Hey! You forgive me yet?
[growls]
[growling continues]
Why, hello there, Mr Bear.
Haven't seen you in a while.
Well, you know, this hibernation thing.
You poor guy.
You must be starving.
[moans]
She'll forgive you some time in the next century.
Gee, what's the big deal?
It's just a lousy old flute.
I wasn't trying to upset her.
I never imagined that that old piece of junk
meant so much to her.
I mean, what was so darn special about it?
Ah, I just happen to have a theory about that.
I've always felt that gestures speak louder than words.
So take this flute, Funny-face, as a token of my love.
[gasps]
[screams] [grunts]
[impact] [grunts]
[screams] His weak kidneys!
I forgot. What have I done?
She hangs on to that flute as a memento
of her first love and its tragic end.
I think you've seen too many soap operas.
The main thing is, it does mean a lot to her
and I've got to get it back.
If only I knew where to find that stupid flute peddler.
[telephone rings]
Hello! Pizza Cats.
Uh, hello? Oh, Big Al.
I recognized your heavy breathing.
Get your tails off here! [alarm sounds]
[gasp]
Big Al says there's something strange going on
in this forest. A bunch of Ninja Crows
are there, and they're just sitting around
playing a lot of flutes.
It might be some kind of benefit.
Playing flutes?
Now all the pieces start to fit.
This episode was about to get boring
now we've got some action!
Yeah! [all whooping]
Hit the ovens, everybody!
[whooping]
It's terrible.
Windspeed, 8. Trajectory, 4.9.
49 [indistinct] by seven.
What do you think, Speedy?
-Make the point. -Right.
Stand by for another blast-off.
I'm afraid I don't have a little poem prepared
but I'd like to offer this thought, which is
just as true today as it was in the '60s.
What the world needs now is love, sweet love.
That's the only thing that there's just too little of.
Thank you. Kaboom!
[explosion]
Kabang!
Kapowie!
[narrator] They're up, and away
and once again the populace below
are filled with awe and wonder.
Oh boy! I sure feel safer
knowing the Samurai Pizza Cats are on the job.
Not good enough. Do it again.
Oh, come on.
I thought I did that with plenty of awe and wonder.
[narrator] Meanwhile, the Ninja Crows
have been tuning their little hearts out
for three days and nights in their attempt
to find the Fabulous Flute. [discordant flute music]
Keep playing. Stop and you die!
[narrator] That's the kind of jolly little pep talk
these poor guys have been hearing for the last 72 hours.
I'm getting disappointed. Where are these forest pixies anyway?
Hey, I think we found one, Chief.
He's a friendly little guy.
[screams]
That's not a forest pixie, you idiot!
It's a wild-goose chase, Chief.
We don't even know if the Fabulous Flute is among them.
Hey?
Well, I can't say that I like your attitude.
These birds are about to fall over
if you don't give them a break.
And besides, isn't this racket driving you mad?
Racket? What racket? I don't know what you're talking about.
Why, I've never felt saner in my life.
[impact] [groaning]
[flute music continues] [groaning]
[sighs]
It's like finding a needle in a haystack.
Don't worry, kitten. If yours is there, we'll find it.
[sighs] [soft impact]
Going mad is tiring.
Hmm.
[inhales deeply]
Why? What's he think he's doing?
[impact] [screams]
Keep your slobbering cheesy limbs off my flute!
Nothing personal.
Oh, was the big rat mean to you, baby?
Well, all's well that ends well, right?
[growls]
Ah! Kitten, you're not gonna still hold a grudge, are you?
Mmm.
All right, I forgive you.
Good.
Not that it really matters.
[narrator] Meanwhile, the crows have just about
tooted their last flute.
These guys have had it. It's time to use stronger measures.
Hang on to your hats.
[grunts]
Bring on the Unhappy Camper!
[narrator] The Unhappy Camper
a nature lover's nightmare.
It belches gas fumes, it chops down trees indiscriminately.
It pollutes rivers, it makes the army corps of engineers
look like a bunch of Johnny Appleseeds.
All right, you pixies. We know you're in there!
If you don't come out with the treasure
we'll come in and get it!
[chainsaw]
That's right! Slice 'em, dice 'em. Chop-chop.
[chainsaw]
Last chance! Come out and show yourselves!
Or I'll make this forest look like the surface of the moon.
-Come out! -This guy's got to be stopped.
Someone ought to write a letter to the Sierra Club.
Too late for that. We gotta do it.
Whoa there, buddy. Hold your horses!
-Huh? -What do you think you're doing?
I think I've found the forest pixies, Chief.
Or should I say, they found me.
They don't appear to be friendly.
Should I try to cut a deal with them or attack?
Hey there, fellow. What are you calling pixies?
Yeah, unless you want a fat lip or something.
I don't care what you call yourselves.
I just want your treasure.
Bring it out to me or else I'll cut this forest to the ground!
Another one.
These guys that are gonna jump this year
that fell for that old story about the treasure.
You know what they say, there's one born every minute.
That does it!
Bring out that treasure!
I know you've got it in there, and I'm more than willing
to tear this whole place apart in order to find it!
[roaring]
Jeez, that bird's crackers. [screaming]
All right, then. Here we come!
[laughing] Huh?
Wait a minute.
I don't get this. Didn't you guys just leave?
What'd you do? Sneak into the bushes
so you can make a great big entrance?
Ah, stop whining, you crooked crow.
When you get your own show
you can make any kind of entrance you want
but in the meantime... Hit it, Polly.
[flute blowing badly]
Ooh, sorry about that, I forgot.
[flute music]
The Pizza Cats are about to attack, but first
here comes a great big [kisses].
Your turn, Speedy.
There's no time to waste. Let's smash his face.
That almost rhymed.
Yeah, not bad.
Samurai Pizza Cats!
Yeah, yeah. As if I didn't already know
what you call yourselves.
Things could get rough, Chief. Let's go!
No, no. Let me go, let me go!
[chainsaws] [sighs]
All right, you asked for it, you annoying alley cats.
I'm gonna cut you into kitty kindling!
[fast-paced music] [chainsaws]
[shouting] [slam]
So you can dance.
Let's see how well you do if we speed up the tempo a little.
[music continues] [chainsaw]
[narrator] Our heroes stand helplessly
before Bad Bird's onslaught
saved only by their astounding agility
incredible lower-body strength
and the fact that they all owe the animators money.
[grunts]
That's enough fun and games, mister!
You made a big mistake playing around with my flute!
I take that very personally.
Huh? Uh-uh.
Nobody touches that flute!
You understand?
[grunts] [flashes]
Wait a second. You've got it wrong!
It wasn't my idea!
[screams]
[crash]
-Let's finish him. -Move, this is women's work.
Furthermore, bird-brain, you've unwantedly laid waste
to our precious natural resources
and for that you're gonna pay!
[narrator] Let the crazed fanatic from the society
Polly pants with an inner fire of righteous wrath
and from her scabbard she pulls her trusty little sword.
It chops, it dices, it fillets
it does a hundred and one things around the kitchen.
But I don't mean to be sexist.
Polly is not just a good cook.
In fact, she's quite capable of giving her enemies
a bad case of heartburn. [screams]
[explosion] [screams]
That thing's got a temper.
I know you didn't do much
but take a bow anyway, guys.
Mmm.
Polly, you'll make some guy a great little wife someday.
Oh, shut up.
Hey, you really did a number on that guy.
Say, listen, thanks a lot for helping us out there.
Jerks like that, they're always coming in here
looking for forest pixies.
We're cuter than that, you know what I mean?
Anyway, take one of these picnic baskets
as a token of our appreciation.
Really? Well, isn't that sweet. Let's see, now.
Hold that right there!
You're still here, Big Cheese?
I thought you cleared off long ago.
What? You, you know me despite my disguise?
I'm crushed. But that's neither here nor there.
You never would have found these forest pixies
if I hadn't devised a way to flush these little rascals out.
Therefore, I have a right to demand my share of the treasure.
[together] Treasure?
What the heck's he talking about?
He said something about a treasure.
Forget I mentioned it. It's nothing at all.
Anyway, I'll just help myself to one of these baskets.
This little one will do.
So long!
Feel free to look me up sometime.
I'll be in the Yellow Pages under "Billionaires."
[music continues]
I still don't get why you picked the smallest basket.
I can see that this sort of thing
is way over your head, Jerry.
Haven't you ever heard the age-old expression
that good things come in small packages?
Now do you see why I chose it?
[laughs] Oh, it's too thrilling.
[bang] [coughing]
What in blazes is going on?
Chief, what's happened to you?
Hey? [screams]
Aah! Look what those pixies have done.
I look like my grandfather.
Those little devils.
They tricked me in some kind of magic ass.
Well, look on the bright side.
You'll get a senior citizen's discount on the bus.
[growls]
Senior citizen, why, I'm as fit as a--
[mysterious sound] [gasps]
as a burst balloon.
It may not be secret treasure, but it sure feels yup.
It's delicious.
I'd much rather have this than treasure.
It's a lot easier to swallow
than rubies, diamonds and pieces of age.
I'm just glad I got my flute back.
That's the main thing.
I think it's high time you told us the story behind that flute.
We went to a lot of trouble for that.
I want to know what's so special about it.
It's embarrassing and none of your business
if you really want to know, but I guess I'll tell you.
My favorite cat in the whole wide world
has personally autographed it.
-Right there. -What's it say?
Garfield.
[others gasp]
Oh.
[narrator] Of course, Polly's carefully holding her hand
over the rest of the inscription
which says something like
" Thanks for the wonderful evening."
Would a girl have some secrets.
[fun music]
[announcer] Ladies and gentlemen
the Samurai Pizza Pad fan club oath!
The Pizza Cats are Samurai
and I'd like to note...
Did their antics take your breath away?
Like fur balls in your throat.
We kittens are a special breed.
We never call retreat.
Whenever Big Cheese knocks us down.
We land upon our feet.
[announcer] So hail to thee, oh Pizza Cat.
Please ring your little bell.
Although you may be pen and ink.
We know you'll fight like--
Pizza Cats!
[fast-paced ending music]
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats♪
♪ We hope you liked the show♪
♪ It's the best That we could do♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪
♪ If' you could do better Then we'd leave it up to you♪
♪ Just a reminder You might like to know♪
♪ The Cats will be back For another big show♪
[laughing]
♪ Oh gosh!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪
♪ They're fighting crime♪
Oh yes! ♪ All over town!♪
[laughing]
♪ Oh yeah!♪
♪ Two, four, six eight!♪
♪ Why do we exaggerate?♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪
♪ Read all the credits, so you'll know who did the work!♪
♪ Samurai Pizza Cats!♪ [laughing]